Love-shyness was a term coined during the s by deceased  professor of psychology at Humboldt State University and Montana State University, Brian G.
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Gilmartin , who published two books about what he coined as, "love-shyness", and acted as a consultant for Japans population problem during the s, including free trips to Japan . He based his book on a series of interviews and questionnaires, as well as previous studies on the topic, for example, Dr. Philip Zimbardos research, which he considered faulty data collection.
Gilmartin defined love-shyness as the following :. Through his data collection, Gilmartin concluded, among other things, that love-shyness was associated with avoidant personality disorder, abusive upbringing, relatively high education level, and generally poor mental and psychological health. His work also explored such topics as violent fantasies by love-shy men.
When psychological conditions are analyzed, usually the mental state is most focused on. However, physical symptoms are just as important. In Shyness and Love, Gilmartin cobbles together a list of physical symptoms he believes characterizes love-shyness based on the percentage of men he interviewed who were shy of romantic relationships with a particular medical problem.
Correlation does not imply causation however. Gilmartin's work contained a lot of detail from many interviews with men shy of romantic relationships and was deemed valuable enough to be reviewed by contemporary psychology in peer reviewed academic journals at least twice and Gilmartin's last book The Shy Man Syndrome had a forward by E. As with most self-diagnosed disorders, and especially one as nebulous as this, it is very questionable whether users at Love-shy.
How to Approach a Love Shy Male? – What Do Men Really Think
In some cases, this may include genuine mental health conditions, or neurological conditions such as Asperger's syndrome , which is mentioned in the site's FAQ about love-shyness. A new breed of love shy has made its appearance as of late: It's essentially the same thing, although heavily influenced by the manosphere and PUA communities.
The men who frequent Love-shy. This word aptly captures the sentiment of the entire page: More specifically — according to Love-shy. Before his death, Gilmartin used the terms, "incel" and " love-shy " interchangeably as can be seen in a recovered clip from the abandoned, "The Incel Project", documentary. Someone is wrong on The Internet Log in: See the main article on this topic: How an involuntary celibate's frustrations can evolve".
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University Press of America. Causes, Consequences, and Treatment, journal: Journal of Sex Research, volume: Retrieved from " https: Pages containing cite templates with deprecated parameters. Views Read Edit Fossil record. Community Saloon bar To do list What is going on? External links Twitter Facebook Discord. This page was last modified on 3 January , at Unless explicitly noted otherwise, all content licensed as indicated by RationalWiki: For concerns on copyright infringement please see: Multiple studies have reported that shy people experience poorer quality relationships.
Shyness is positively associated with insecure attachment styles such as anxiety and avoidance. So why then, do some people still see shyness as an attractive quality in a partner? I posed this questions to friends on Twitter and Facebook. One person mentioned that he views shyness as a challenge when getting to know a new person. Another commented that since shy people spend more time alone they have a stronger sense of identity. However, this can also be said of non-shy introverts.
Some people find shyness attractive because it shows that the person is humble, innocent, or a bit mysterious. It also suggests that they are not narcissistic or aggressive. However, most of the individuals I spoke to also mentioned that low self-esteem is a negative characteristic in a romantic partner.
Based on trends, I came to the conclusion that many people are attracted to a healthy amount of shyness in a person. One study mentioned in the article reported that 20 percent of young men experience painful shyness around the opposite sex. The book focuses primarily on love-shyness in men.
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According to Gilmartin, passivity and quietness in women are attractive to men. However, even if a love-shy woman does experience interests from men because of her quiet deposition, she risks attracting the type of partner with a dominant, aggressive, or even narcissistic personality. Women would have dates or relationships but would have problems with the quality of those relationships.
Neither shyness nor love-shyness should enable unhealthy behavior or victimize. Shyness is not a recognized mental disorder, however limiting beliefs related to shyness have been attributed to unhealthy thoughts and behavior. It should be clear that if you have the urge to harm yourself or others, that is not a direct result of your shyness.
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You should seek mental health support immediately. In theory, shy women should have it easier in dating and relationships than shy men. However, in reality, both men and women struggle in relationships due to being painfully shy. It was a shame because some of them did seem to like me back.